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Archive for May, 2006
Always Wear Your Seat Belt
This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he’s driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him.
He says to his wife, “Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!”
So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He [...]
Old Farmer
An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening the old farmer decided to go [...]
When I’m an old lady and live with my kids
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)
When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!
(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)
I’ll write on the wall [...]
Afterlife
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
After many years, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact with his wife in a dream.
“Mary…Mary…” he called. “Is that you, Fred?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve come back [...]
90 year old father?
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better,” the old man replied.” I’ve got a twenty-year-old bride who’s pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?” the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then says, ” [...]
Forgive those who trespass against us…
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, “How many of you are willing to forgive your enemies?”
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question.
All responded this time, except one small elderly Lady. “Mrs Jones?”;
“Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.” She replied, smiling sweetly.
“Mrs Jones, that [...]
Who makes the coffee?
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, “You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don’t have to wait as long to get our coffee”.
The husband said, ” You are in charge of the cooking around here and you [...]
YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN… (part 1)
YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN…
When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.
When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.
When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.
When [...]
Doilies
There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband [...]
Posted by rainy on May 23rd, 2006 under Husbands|Wives, Senior Jokes | Comment now »Getting Married
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
.
The pharmacist answers, “Yes.”
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Jacob: “We’re [...]
