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Archive for November, 2006
My Resignation
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities
of an 8 year-old again.
I want to go to McDonald’s
and think that it’s a four star restaurant.
I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make a sidewalk with rocks.
I want to think M&Ms are better […]
Wisdom and Age
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.
One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The […]
ADD - Boomer Style
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decided to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down […]
Why?????
Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?
Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if […]
TAXES - Your government at work
The Gettysburg address is 269 words, the Declaration of Independence is 1,337 words, and the Holy Bible is only 773,000 words. However, the tax law has grown from 11,400 words in 1913, to 7 million words today.
There are at least 480 different tax forms, each with many pages of instructions.
Even the easiest form, the 1040E […]
The Nursing Home
A family took their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she would be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathed her, fed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seemed okay, but after a while she […]
Posted by rainy on November 15th, 2006 under General Jokes | Comment now »Quotes from George Burns
George Burns Quotes
A good sermon should have a good beginning and a good ending, and they should be as close together as possible.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
At my age flowers scare me.
Be quick to learn and wise to know.
Bridge is a game that separates the men […]
Survivor?
For all my surviving friends out there.
It’s funny how the worm turns.
Here’s why…………
According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, or even maybe the early 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived.
Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, […]
A Surprise From Frederick’s of Hollywood
A man goes to Frederick’s of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
“This is $200,” she says.
“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he.
“This one is $350.”
“I want it even more sheer than that.”
“This one is the most […]
Famous Last Words
Some Famous Last Words
-> You’ll be perfectly safe behind this much lead plate.
-> That’s not smoke, that’s steam.
-> Of course it’s sterile.
-> Well, we’re the next best thing to a bank.
-> That should be at least enough gas to make it across Nevada.
-> It’s so tame you can put your head in its mouth.
-> It […]
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