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Archive for December, 2006
Another…Don’t Mess With Seniors!
They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.
There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.
I know most of us have […]
Christmas Quotes
I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, “So does the guy I stole it from.”
->David Letterman
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
->Joan Rivers
Next to a circus there ain’t […]
Death & Wal-Mart
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. “Wal-Mart?” the preacher exclaimed. “Why Wal-Mart?” “Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week ”
Posted by rainy on December 21st, 2006 under General Jokes, Wal-Mart Jokes, Senior Jokes | Comment now »Dear God
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:
“Dear God,
I am […]
I spupose erveynoe has raed tihs
.
I spupose erveynoe has raed tihs Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy,
it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer
is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is […]
Great Things About Getting Older
Great Things About Getting Older
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
If you’ve never smoked, you can start now and it won’t have time to hurt you.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
Your secrets are safe […]
When I’m an Old Lady
When I’m an old lady,
I’ll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness…
just as they did.
I want to pay back
all the joy they’ve provided,
Returning each deed.
Oh, they’ll be so excited!
I’ll write on the wall
with reds, whites and blues,
And bounce on the furniture
wearing my shoes.
I’ll drink from the carton
and then leave it out.
I’ll stuff all the […]
Living Will
Living Will Form
I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in […]
Shell
A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. A passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him.
He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics.
Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. […]
EULOGY
After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”
The first guy immediately responds, “I would like to hear them say that […]
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