For You

Archive for February, 2007

EULOGY

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation.
They are all asked the same question: “When you are in your casket, friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”
The first guy immediately responds, “I would like to hear them say that I […]

Posted by rainy on February 27th, 2007 under General Jokes | Comment now »

George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re […]

Posted by rainy on February 26th, 2007 under Baby Boomers!, Senior Jokes | Comment now »

GRANDMA’S CURES

Did You Know that drinking two glasses of Gatorade can relieve headache pain almost immediately– without the unpleasant side effects caused by traditional “pain relievers.”
Did you know that Colgate toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.
Before you head to the drugstore for a high-priced inhaler filled with mysterious chemicals, try chewing on a couple of […]

Posted by rainy on February 25th, 2007 under Health, General Jokes | Comment now »

Frequent Flyer?

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our
jobs.
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a “gripesheet,” which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their […]

Posted by rainy on February 21st, 2007 under General Jokes | Comment now »

“Senior” Personal Ads Gleaned from Florida Papers

(Who says We Seniors Have No Sense of Humor?)
FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5′4″ (used to be 5′6″), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, […]

Posted by rainy on February 17th, 2007 under General Jokes, Senior Jokes | Comment now »

SPECIAL POEM FOR SENIOR CITIZENS!!

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won’t stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won’t shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I’m happy […]

Posted by rainy on February 15th, 2007 under General Jokes, Senior Jokes | Comment now »