• About BoomerJokes!
  • Contact Us

Boomerjokes

Smile, Giggle, Laugh... Your Life Depends On It.

Home 2006 Archives for June 2006

Archives for June 2006

The avid golfer

By rainy Leave a Comment

Michael was an extremely avid golfer with a cynical attitude and arrogance, that when he passed away, few people shed a tear. Michael approached the Pearly Gates where St. Peter was waiting for him. Rather than pass through the gates as normal people had done, Michael stopped to ask a question.

“Before I agree to come in, I want to know exactly what kind of golf course you have here” he said to St. Peter.

“That shouldn’t matter to you.” said St. Peter.

“But it does. And then in his arrogant manner exclaimed “Well if I can’t see it, then I’m not coming in!”

“Very well Michael. As you wish…look through the gates.” He looked and saw the poorest, most rundown, excuse for a golf course that it made him sick to his stomach.

“Forget it. There is no way in Hell I’m going to spend eternity playing on that course!”

Just then, Michael heard the Devil calling him over the gate. “Come over here and see what I have to offer.” Michael peers through the gate and he is elated! There is the most absolutely fabulous golf course he has ever seen! He turns to the Devil and says “I want to play THAT course!”

“Ok. Step on through and it’s yours forever.”

St. Peter pleaded with Michael as he headed off with the Devil and the gates closed behind him. Michael walked up to the first tee and said “I can’t wait to play! Where are my clubs and ball? The Devil roared with laughter. “Oh, there aren’t any.”

Filed Under: Golf, Uncategorized

Sharks

By rainy Leave a Comment

A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.

As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mile from shore in shark infested waters.

Most of those aboard the yacht were badly injured from their ordeal. The only able bodied that were on board were a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

The doctor says, “Someone is going to have to swim ashore and get some help. I would volunteer but most of the crew and passengers are in pretty bad shape and I am needed here to care for them.”

The priest replies, “I would volunteer to go also but I might be needed to comfort the injured or perform last rights.”

The lawyer says, “No problem.” He immediately strips off his shirt and dives into the shark infested water. There is a great turbulence in the water and then the doctor and priest notice that all of the sharks have formed a double line from the yacht to the beach allowing the lawyer to swim between them.

“My Goodness,” says the priest. “It is a miracle!” The doctor looking at the lawyer swimming to shore says, “No, Father. It is not a miracle. It’s professional courtesy!”

Filed Under: Lawyer Jokes

Things To Do When You’re Bored

By rainy Leave a Comment

Wax the ceiling

Rearrange political campaign signs

Sharpen your teeth

Play Houdini with one of your siblings

Braid your dog’s hair

Clean and polish your belly button

Water your dog…see if he grows

Wash a tree

Knight yourself

Name your child Edsel

Scare Stephen King

Give your cat a mohawk

Purr

Mow your carpet

Play Pat Boone records backwards

Vacuum your lawn

Whine

Rake your carpet

Reelect Richard Nixon

Critique “Three’s Company”

Listen to a painting

Play with matches

Buff your cat

Race ferrets

Paint your house…DayGlo Orange

Have a formal dinner at White Castle

Read Homer in the original Greek

Change your mind

Change it back

Learn Greek

Watch the sun…see if it moves

Stand on your head

Stand on someone else’s head

Build a pyramid

See how long you can stay awake

See how long you can sleep

Spit shine your Nikes

Paint your teeth

Wear a salad

Speak with a forked tongue

Get your dog braces

Shave a shrub

Have a proton fight

Watch a car rust

~~~~~~~

What other ones can you come up with?

Filed Under: General Jokes

The Days of Black & White TV

By rainy Leave a Comment

You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.

Pull a chair up to the TV set,
“Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.”

Depending on the channel you tuned,
You got Rob and Laura or Ward and June.

It felt so good. It felt so right.
Life looked better in black and white.

I Love Lucy, The Real McCoys,
Dennis the Menace, the Cleaver boys,

Rawhide, Gunsmoke, Wagon Train,

Superman, Jimmy and Lois Lane.

Father Knows Best, Patty Duke,

Rin Tin Tin and Lassie too,

Donna Reed on Thursday night! —
Life looked better in black and white.

I wanna go back to black and white.
Everything always turned out right.

Simple people, simple lives…

Good guys always won the fights.

Now nothing is the way it seems,
In living color on the TV screen.

Too many murders, too many fights,
I wanna go back to black and white

In God they trusted, alone in bed they slept,
A promise made was a promise kept.

They never cussed or broke their vows.

They’d never make the network now.

But if I could, I’d rather be
In a TV town in ’53.

It felt so good. It felt so right.
Life looked better in black and white.

I’d trade all the channels on the satellite,
If I could just turn back the clock tonight

To when everybody knew wrong from right.
Life was better in black and white!

Pass this to someone (over age 40, of course), and brighten their day by helping them to remember that life’s most simple pleasures are very often the best!!!

Filed Under: Do you remember, Pass it On

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • Next Page »

About Me

Left handed, Gemini Baby Boomer, circa 1955. Loved Mickey Mouse, Motown and being my own personal United Nations. I miss watching Grade B Sci-Fi, eating those big crunchy dill pickles out of a jar and swooning over some long forgotten star. The one thing I know for sure... we've got to laugh. I've waited a long time to cultivate my graying hair and be able to call someone "sunny boy".

Recent Posts

  • DRAPERY RODS
  • Stress Relief
  • Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged
  • Your Mind…
  • Cat People – Here is your wake up call!
  • Adult Resignation
  • Stop Thief!
  • Walmart Job Application – 75 year old
  • South Park Lady

Archives

  • May 2008
  • March 2008
  • December 2007
  • November 2007
  • October 2007
  • September 2007
  • August 2007
  • July 2007
  • June 2007
  • May 2007
  • April 2007
  • March 2007
  • February 2007
  • January 2007
  • December 2006
  • November 2006
  • October 2006
  • September 2006
  • August 2006
  • July 2006
  • June 2006
  • May 2006
  • April 2006
  • March 2006

Topics

  • Animals
  • Baby Boomers!
  • Blonde Jokes
  • Boomer Humor
  • Children
  • Do you remember
  • Doctor Jokes
  • Don't Mess with…
  • Food
  • General Jokes
  • Golf
  • Grandparents
  • Health
  • Holiday Jokes
  • Husbands|Wives
  • Inspirational
  • Jokes about aging
  • Lawyer Jokes
  • Lighten Up
  • Men
  • Music of the 50's
  • Music of the 60's
  • Music of the 70's
  • Pass it On
  • Pets
  • Politics
  • Retirement
  • Senior Jokes
  • The Gene Pool
  • Uncategorized
  • Wal-Mart Jokes
  • Women
  • Work

Copyright © 2019 · Focus Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in