• About BoomerJokes!
  • Contact Us

Boomerjokes

Smile, Giggle, Laugh... Your Life Depends On It.

Home Archives for Jokes about aging

When I’m an old lady and live with my kids

By rainy Leave a Comment

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When I’m an old lady, I’ll live with each kid,

And bring so much happiness…just as they did.

I want to pay back all the joy they’ve provided.

Returning each deed! Oh, they’ll be so excited!

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,

And I’ll bounce on the furniture…wearing my shoes.

I’ll drink from the carton and then leave it out.

I’ll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they’ll shout!

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they’re on the phone and just out of reach,

I’ll get into things like sugar and bleach.

Oh, they’ll snap their fingers and then shake their head,

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,

I’ll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,

I’ll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table,

And when they get angry…I’ll run…if I’m able!

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

I’ll sit close to the TV, through the channels I’ll click,

I’ll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.

I’ll take off my socks and throw one away,

And play in the mud ’til the end of the day!

(When I’m an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I’ll lay back and sigh,

I’ll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.

My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,

And say with a groan, “She’s so sweet when she’s sleeping!”

Bless All Moms and Grandmas Everywhere!

~~~~~~~
Sent in by Dianne – Thanks!

Filed Under: Grandparents, Jokes about aging, Senior Jokes, Women

90 year old father?

By rainy Leave a Comment

A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.

The doctor asked him how he was feeling.

“I’ve never been better,” the old man replied.” I’ve got a twenty-year-old bride who’s pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?” the old man asked.

The doctor thought for a moment, then says, ” Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun “.

The doctor continued, ” So he’s walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.

BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him .”

That’s impossible !” said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.

“Exactly” Said the Doc

Filed Under: Husbands|Wives, Jokes about aging, Men, Senior Jokes

YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN… (part 1)

By rainy Leave a Comment

YOU’RE GETTING OLDER WHEN…

When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.

When your doctor doesn’t give you x-rays anymore but just holds you up to the light.

When a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door nearest you.

When you remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.

When your wife says, “Let’s go upstairs and make love” and you answer, “Honey, I can’t do both!”

Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

When you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

You know you’re getting old when your semi-annual erection becomes an annual semi-erection!

You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

Your back goes out, but you stay home.

You wake up, looking like your driver’s license picture.

It takes two tries to get up from the couch.

Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.

Happy hour is a nap.

When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure that the street is still there.

Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.

It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.

Your memory is shorter and your complaining is longer.

The pharmacist has become you new best friend.

It takes twice as long to look half as good.

~~~~~

Have any you want to add?

Filed Under: Baby Boomers!, General Jokes, Jokes about aging

Old librarians never die…

By rainy Leave a Comment

  • Old librarians never die, their computers have fatal errors
  • Old librarians never die, they just check out
  • Old librarians never die, they just get re-shelved
  • Old librarians never die, they just lose their references

Filed Under: Jokes about aging

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • 6
  • Next Page »

About Me

Left handed, Gemini Baby Boomer, circa 1955. Loved Mickey Mouse, Motown and being my own personal United Nations. I miss watching Grade B Sci-Fi, eating those big crunchy dill pickles out of a jar and swooning over some long forgotten star. The one thing I know for sure... we've got to laugh. I've waited a long time to cultivate my graying hair and be able to call someone "sunny boy".

Copyright © 2022 · Focus Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in