Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Bloody Mary
Margarita
Scotch and soda
Martini
Vodka and Tonic
steak
lobster or crab legs
the remote control
bowl of ice cream
the sports page
chocolate
or sex

…it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: _________________________
Date: _____________________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult.
I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities
of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald’s
and think that it’s a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle
and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money
because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree
and run a lemonade stand with my friends
on a hot summer’s day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple;
when all you knew were colours,
multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes,
but that didn’t bother you,
because you didn’t know what you didn’t know
and you didn’t care.

All you knew was to be happy
because you were blissfully unaware
of all the things that should make you worried
or upset.

I want to think the world is fair;
that everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible.
I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life
and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again.
I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes,
mountains of paperwork,
depressing news,
how to survive more days in the month
than there is money in the bank,
doctor bills,
gossip,
illness,
and the loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs,
and a kind word;
truth,
justice,
peace,
dreams,
imagination,
mankind,
and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here’s my checkbook and my car-keys,
my credit card bills and my 401K statements.

I am officially resigning from adulthood.
And if you want to discuss this further,
you’ll have to catch me first, cause……..

……”Tag! You’re it.”

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he’s lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep doo-doo now!” Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!” says the leopard, “That w as close! That old poodle nearly
had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the
leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

“Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story….

Don’t mess with old farts…age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

*************

Thanks Mom!