I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, “So does the guy I stole it from.”
The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.
Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.
->Frank McKinney Hubbard
From a commercial point of view, if Christmas did not exist it would be necessary to invent it.
->Katharine Whitehorn (Roundabout, 1962)
You know you’re getting old, when Santa starts looking younger.
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Hey Santa, how much for your list of naughty girls?
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we’ll be seeing six or seven.
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
Even before Christmas has said Hello, it’s saying ‘Buy Buy’