Smile, Giggle, Laugh... Your Life Depends On It.
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This 85 year old couple, having been married for almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.
When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out in a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.
As they “oohed and aahed” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
“It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.” [Read more…]
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Fred and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year. Every year Fred would say, “Edna, I’d like to ride in that there airplane.†And every year Edna would say, “I know Fred, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.â€
One year Fred and Edna went to the fair and Fred said, “Edna, I’m 71 years old. If I don’t ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance.†Edna replied, “Fred that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars.â€
The pilot overheard them and said, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won’t charge you, but if you say one word it’s ten dollars.â€
Fred and Edna agreed and up they go. The pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard. He does all his tricks over again, but still not a word.
They land and the pilot turns to Fred, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.â€
Fred replied, “Well, I was going to say something when Edna fell out of the plane, but ten dollars is ten dollars.â€
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A man goes to Frederick’s of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
“This is $200,” she says.
“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he.
“This one is $350.”
“I want it even more sheer than that.”
“This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.”
“I’ll take it!”
The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.”
His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not.”
So his wife comes down, wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose. “So, how do you like it?” she says.
“Darn, you’d think for $500, they’d at least iron the thing!”
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Medicare Coverage In A Nutshell
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, “Hello.”
“Mrs. Ward, please.”
“Speaking.”
“Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband’s biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband’s. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?” Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your husband’s.”
“That’s dreadful! Can’t you do the test again?” questioned Mrs. Ward.
“Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”
“The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”