Living Will

Living Will Form

I, __________________________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means.

Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.

Nor in the hands of lawyers/doctors who are interested simply in running up the bills. If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to ask for at least one of the following:

Bloody Mary
Margarita
Scotch and soda
Martini
Vodka and Tonic
steak
lobster or crab legs
the remote control
bowl of ice cream
the sports page
chocolate
or sex

…it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better.

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day.

At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature: _________________________
Date: _____________________________

I also hear that in Ireland they have a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier and they have a lot more visitors.

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