It is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:
Please join me in remembering a great icon. Veteran Pillsbury spokesperson, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71.
Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch and others.
The graveside was pile high with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded.”
Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even still, as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.
Toward the end it was hoped that he’d rise once again, but that hope was burned to a crisp when he fell flat and just could not rise again. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.