Courtesy of TheLate Show With David Letterman)
10. The three M’s: Mahjong, Metamucil, and Matlock!
9. When you’re on a Carnival Cruise and Kathie Lee starts singing, you can turn off your hearing aid
8. Instead of tipping waiters, I just tell them they can have my car when I die
7. It’s easy to annoy young people. Step one: get in car. Step two: turn on blinker. Step three: leave it on for 50 miles
6. The early-bird special at Hooters
5. You can say whatever the hell pops into your mind. Waffles!
4. Once you hit 70, you start to look damn good in polyester!
3. My new bridge partner: Bob Dole
2. Social Security will be bankrupt in 50 years and guess what — we don’t care!
1. You’re lookin’ at a guy who’s nailed all the Golden Girls